Humorous Family Moments Fan Pillows

'I'm looking forward to when he's 5 years old so I can boss him around.'

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

'Your mother makes a wonderful spoiler.'

Billy strip: comic will make you sick.

"Mom! Dad! Do something!"

"Two boys from legal to see you."

'Who says women don't like chase scenes?'

Great job on the color! Thanks. It looks totally natural. Hi, Twig! Hey. Success! She didn't notice. "Mom dyed her hair with Gatorade."

"So tell me, Wallace. Has someone gobbled up my Viagra again?" "No. Wait. I thought they were delicious candy mints!"

'...you'd better get yourself a good lawyer!'

"But you said I should serve our guests the can of peas!"

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

'Are you sure you didn't swallow your cell phone? I keep getting a dial tone.'

'You're making a marble cake? Did you run out of eggs?'

"Which one of my fiendish offspring defaced the bordelaise recipe with SpongeBob?"

'Shh, let me do the talking.'

Adult Absence Notes.

Dad... this 'Book' thingy - where do you plug it in?

"One day you'll thank me for embarrassing you in front of the entire Internet."

"Mom said I can't watch TV until you finish my homework."

Meerkats - A Family Portrait

"Next time your virtual fish dies, please don't try flushing your computer down the toilet."

'Sweetheart, It's time you knew... Your father isn't a real wildlife biologist.'

"Pianissimo! Pianissimo!"

"I didn't say he was housebroken. I said he broke up the house."

Chip and Fran Cooper: The Most Embarrassing Parents in the World.

'Daddy-if we didn't have Mummy how would you know how to drive?'

Danny reminds his dad that he had forgotten to pay him for raking the yard.

"Well, if you've got 'nothing to wear' why am I constantly doing laundry?"

Dad said that if he's paying for the wedding, he's entitled to a little something.

"But if I close the drawer, won't my breathable underwear suffocate?"