Humorists Of Wall Street Gifts

"I wrote a letter to the Wall Street Journal saying the term 'Bear Market' makes me look like a loser, but they didn't print it."

Polly txt speak

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

"Relax. I just had a vitamin."

Will work for ETFs

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

The First Fire Stick

Alien embryo growing in earth.

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

'Too late...looks like they've already been pillaged.'

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

'I'd think you'd be used to having a moat by now.'

"She's a miniature."

"Might you explain to me how your division managed to spend twenty-six thousand dollars on tennis balls?"

Money Bar.

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

Giant Monster in Bath

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

"What if we're just a ship in somebody's bottle? Yar, here comes me existential crisis."

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

'I don't remember this canoe being this heavy, do you Tom?'

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

"When we changed the company name, the stocks went through the roof!"