Humorist With A Paintbrush Gifts

'I'm an artistic genius, I bet no-one has ever painted a plain old bowl of fruit.'

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

"The Eggsorcist"

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"Yo, Ned Beatty, paddle harder if you ever want to kiss me again."

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

The opera - 'Please, sir, give us your ticket, if you ain;t a-goin' in again.'

"Being with you is just getting too surreal for me, Larry."

'Will you marry me, Gloria?'

"Then add one extra large egg..."

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

'I love these afternoon jam sessions.'

Gustav Holst

"It makes sense when you see the second painting with the lego."

''Spiced mill cider and home made apple pie.' Am I supposed to freshen the room with this or have it for dessert?'

I'll admit I haven't been waiting all my life to meet you, but I have waited through a rough pencil sketch, the inking process and Photoshop lettering. Surely that's worth something! !?!

"Helen, is it possible that we are using our child as an intimacy barrier?"

Jackson Pollock - "Oh no! Someone's thrown paint all over it!"

"It's obviously an original."

Artist uses connect-the-dots canvas to paint nude model.

'Stupido Digitale! Chucka me a sloppy brush, there's a gooda chap.'

Medusa's baby picture

"So, Owen tells me you guys met in art school."

"It's not my fault - how was I to know you'd look scary with your clothes off?"

"Have we looked as though we know what it is, for long enough yet?"

Nude conductor of Orchestra conducting 'The full Monte-verdi'

"While you were on vacation, Zooker, a motion was made and seconded to saw five and a half inches off your chair legs."

'Have you considered drawing other people?'

Dating Rule #1. Repeat after me: I need some space. I need some space. Got it. Good. Make sure you tell that to Laurel all the time. But

'You'll marry me? Really? Then forget it! I can't be with someone who's standards are that low!'

"Gracie, you're a good mud artist."

Art Museum: Our exhibit of forgotten masters continues with What's His Name...

'That's not true, I do listen. I'm just not very interested.'