Humorist In Weight Debates Pillows

"Oh, my! Is that really me?"

"It's a new work-out video. It shows a mother chasing after three little children all day."

"If we carry them home we’ll get at least one workout."

Bench Press Accident

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercising, I don't think he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

'I just got the medium popcorn this time.'

Vegetarian Nightmare.

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'Climbing up a chair to take a bag of potato crisps out of the cupboard five times a day does nor count as exercise, sir!'

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

"I'm keeping 'up' distance... there's a reason they are called DROPlets."

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

"One slice—hold the bread."

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

"Still on your left."

New anti-obesity cookbook.

'Why are jogging on the spot?'

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

Musclesnakes just swallow the dumbbells.

Weight Gain Denial

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

"Eat lots of carrots."

"Got anything else? I gave up carbs."

'I'm afraid I can't accept that excuse Mrs Hart. It isn't possible to inhale second hand calories.'

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

"Is it working?"

'Yeh it's just that I haven't been able to swim on my front,since my boob job.'

'Good Cholesterol Vs. Bad Cholesterol'