Humorist In Stitches Gifts

'He had lots of visitors today. Mostly people he owes money to.'

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"I just hope the world doesn't end before people can see our outfits."

What's that? - 'It's a mosquito bite.' - 'Scratch it!' - 'No, I need to buy some cream.' - 'Make it bleed!!!' - 'Gahhh!!!' -

Current location

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

Footballer with a broken leg and a ball in his cast.

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

'This is your lucky day!'

Basketball injuries.

'It's another squirrel - from the park. I warned you not to start feeding them.'

'I've a horrible feeling I've left one of the implements inside the patient, Chang.'

"I #*#*#* hate gardening, I'd much rather be at work!!"

'Good help is hard to find, so I decided to clone myself.'

"Rolling pizza cutter."

"While you were on vacation, Zooker, a motion was made and seconded to saw five and a half inches off your chair legs."

Plastic surgery is a scream.

A Not So Grand Slam.

"My records show we sent your bonus. Have you looked on your roof?"

Career Threatening Sport Injuries,

Freak Accident Specialist

Cotton candy

Doctor: 'Mind if I cut in?'

"He's brutal but considerate - that's his victims' support number, NHS direct."

Sword rises, Excalibur like, from body of patient undergoing operation.

"He certainly brings a new dimension to keyhole surgery!"

'I tried to slam a revolving door.'

Vulture waiting outside a failing business.

Surgeon using hover mower

'He's so unlucky that he gets into accidents that started happening to someone else.'

"Of course, with hindsight it was probably a mistake to perform my own facelift."

'We operate on the point system here. When you see something go wrong, point at whoever you think is to blame.'

Next! (liposuction specialist)