Humor Mavens Gifts

Space Turkey Aliens visit a family on Thanksgiving.

"Helicopter parents are a real problem. It starts with the baby monitor and mushrooms."

'Surely they're not ALL still in their offices!'

'I'm an atheist!'

"I prefer 'prostitute'. 'Media whore' implies that I'm not getting paid."

"An appointment? Let's see... She could fit you in before breakfast TV, or after lunch on Radio Two, or between Radio Four afternoon and the Drive Home SHow..."

The Cattle show Week.

Lady in Card Shop sees Sympathy Cards section with 'Bear Market', 'Falling Dollar' and 'Inflation' categories.

"This doesn't have anything to do with the falling price of oil, does it?"

Ralph Stanley

"Accepting for..."

"She leaked WHAT to the press?"

That's nothing. You should see what he writes in the comments section.

'We're in a fantasy team owners' league, we locked out our players and came here to yuck it up.'

National Optometrists Association. O.K., whose idea was it to form a focus group?…

"Get out of the way! The transport vehicle of the future is about to overtake you! Soon everyone will have one!"

"Gotta go. My ten o'clock is here."

"I was going to transmute it into gold, and then I read that the base metal market has made a remarkable recovery!"

"Now do you believe me?"

"Wife and two hernias to support!"

"You can't beat the prices of these big box retailers."

"I'm collecting everyday objects for a time capsule."

Tuba Player Stores a Barrel of Beer

'All those opposed, signify by using the usual sign.'

'I realize that you're upset that Oprah hasn't reviewed your new book on her show. But you are on MY show, so why don't you tell us what inspired you to write 'Overcoming Disappointment and Resentment.''

Department de Philosophie

"Fred and Ginger, but of course not the Fred and Ginger."

"Do we HAVE to be omnivores?"

Godot finally turns up

Scratch 'n' sniff edition...

Early attempts to turn a macro-chip into a micro-chip.

"Get back down here before you fall and hurt yourself"

"You people make me sick. Nonetheless, here's a little toe-tapper."

"My one-man band is breaking up."

"All in favor of toupees, say aye."