Humor In Professions Gifts

Office of Dr. Elizabeth Johnson

I've been working 20 hours a day. Well, that leaves you four hours to get to work.

'I'd give you a raise, but I had to throw tantrums to make my parents give me anything as a kid.'

'You say you're willing to start at the bottom...'

"So, Mr Canary, I see you have experience as a mine safety specialist..."

"I absolutely guarantee your workloads will not increase."

'I'd like you to become a smaller, lower-paid version of myself.'

'What is the meaning of poorly attended staff meetings.'

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

"There is a great deal of evidence that big savings can be made if departments shared resources... But I suspect that implementing the changes might be problematic if we can't even get Norman to lend out his pencil sharpener."

Still Coffee Runs Deep

Warlord

"Intern? Oh, no. He wandered in from our day care center."

"We could agree to disagree but then I'd just be preoccupied with you being wrong."

Work Safety - Chemicals.

Corporate Lawyers

On reflection I think I could have coped with just 340 degree feedback.

"No, we haven't started yet. My hand was cold."

'All those against, raise your hand. All those in favor of ice cream, scream.'

'You have a very impressive resume. . . how flexible are you on the , sleeping 75% of the day thing?'

Of course the teasts are complete nonsense but we're working on the basis that anyone who can be bothered to complete all 148 of them must be highly motivated...

Very well, Mr Potter. I blinked first. You're hired.

A signaller directing pallbearers

'I'd like to see you in my office Johnston, to discuss your task delegation skills.'

"Briggs is running our stress at work assessment."

'Inside healer'

"A 'take charge' guy would be nice but I'm looking for more of the 'take blame' type."

'As a consultant, my job is to speak to you as if I knew how your business worked.'

Multitasking.

"Paid leave? You're doing well to get paid for when you're here."

HB Fillmond - A great entrepreneur and capitalist/CD Hainsmore - Always knew who to hitch his wagon to...

'I told you the corporate thinking was set in stone.'

'This CARP-el tunnel syndrome makes work difficult. My hands keep slipping off my jackhammer.'

'Well... something makes me think that you want a raise, Mr Johansen...'

"My wife's career is in ruins... She's an archaeologist!"