Humor In Law Lover Pillows

"Why, yes, Your Honor. That would make me his Advocate."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

Stop and Birch

"#notguilty."

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"Stop billing your daughter for reading her bedtime stories!!"

Intellectual Property

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

Arrogant junior barrister

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

'Just think of one of these as enabling legislation for the golden rule.'

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

"It's either this or a country run by lawyers."

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

"When I grow up I'm going to be a police officer and follow in my dad's footsteps."

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

'I'm here waiting appeals.'

Viking in the dock: His barrister says: 'Your honour, my client was simply expanding his business interests. We object to the use of the word 'pillaging'.'

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

Upholding the Law

"Objections overruled...I also think the defendent looks extremly dodgy"