Humor In Law Fan Pillows

'You Honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'pretty please with sugar on it.''

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

A Judge about to enter an operating theatre for a 'Clinical Trial'.

'Let's agree to disagree.'

"I'll convert. What does the attorney general recommend?"

"Your Honor, I wish to introduce as Exhibit A this bullet with the victim's name on it."

"Yeah, I'm out on bail: The judge laughed when he said I was not a flight risk..."

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

"My wife, my best friend and our prenup!"

Hermes, Process Server Of The Gods

“This daily metamorphosis never fails to amaze me. Around the house, I’m a perfect idiot. I come to court, futon a black robe, and, by God, I’m it!”

Solicitor tells cats: 'It's unorthodox, I know, but old Mrs Featherstone has left her entire estate to her immediate family.'

Corporate Lawyers

"Whereupon the defendant let out a very sharp, hard-edged laugh that fell to the floor and painfully injured the plaintiff's right foot!"

"I charge by the grain."

"I'm not that kind of pro-Bono lawyer."

"I wouldn't want to be in your shoes."

The Washington Arbitrators

"I'm afraid you will have to sign a non-disclosure agreement."

'My client is willing to endure raised eyebrows from the general public for his behaviour.'

"My client demands a jury trial."

"You're entitled to one call, four selfies, six tweets, two pins and 30 seconds of hi-def video."

"Having a real pitbull for an attorney was great...at first."

'We are from the F.B.L.'

'He was a product of his environment. He LIVED in a cooked house, he HAD a crooked wife.'

'The defense rests.'

'Objection! That could be anybody's footprint!'

'A limited partnership? It means you can't sue or skim.'

Pleading the fifth is one thing, counselor. Drinking it is quite another.

'I don't do 'slip and fall,' but if you're ever in need of a good tax attorney...'