Humor In Law Fan Pillows

'You Honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'pretty please with sugar on it.''

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

A Judge about to enter an operating theatre for a 'Clinical Trial'.

"I'll convert. What does the attorney general recommend?"

"Your Honor, I wish to introduce as Exhibit A this bullet with the victim's name on it."

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

Hermes, Process Server Of The Gods

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

"My wife, my best friend and our prenup!"

"Yeah, I'm out on bail: The judge laughed when he said I was not a flight risk..."

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

“This daily metamorphosis never fails to amaze me. Around the house, I’m a perfect idiot. I come to court, futon a black robe, and, by God, I’m it!”

Solicitor tells cats: 'It's unorthodox, I know, but old Mrs Featherstone has left her entire estate to her immediate family.'

Corporate Lawyers

"I charge by the grain."

"I wouldn't want to be in your shoes."

"Whereupon the defendant let out a very sharp, hard-edged laugh that fell to the floor and painfully injured the plaintiff's right foot!"

"I'm not that kind of pro-Bono lawyer."

"I'm afraid you will have to sign a non-disclosure agreement."

"My client demands a jury trial."

The Washington Arbitrators

'My client is willing to endure raised eyebrows from the general public for his behaviour.'

'He was a product of his environment. He LIVED in a cooked house, he HAD a crooked wife.'

"You're entitled to one call, four selfies, six tweets, two pins and 30 seconds of hi-def video."

'A limited partnership? It means you can't sue or skim.'

'The defense rests.'

'We are from the F.B.L.'

"Having a real pitbull for an attorney was great...at first."

'Objection! That could be anybody's footprint!'

'I don't do 'slip and fall,' but if you're ever in need of a good tax attorney...'

'Court is in session, the jury is seated and, when the counselors have stretched out properly, we will proceed with opening statements.'