Comedy In Law Lover Pillows

'The jury have instructed me to say that they expected a rather more spicy case.'

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"#notguilty."

Stop and Birch

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"Stop billing your daughter for reading her bedtime stories!!"

Intellectual Property

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

Arrogant junior barrister

'Just think of one of these as enabling legislation for the golden rule.'

'We want more police on our streets!' 'WHAT?! Do you have any idea how dangerous it is out there?'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

'I'm here waiting appeals.'

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

"When I grow up I'm going to be a police officer and follow in my dad's footsteps."

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"

"It's either this or a country run by lawyers."

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

Viking in the dock: His barrister says: 'Your honour, my client was simply expanding his business interests. We object to the use of the word 'pillaging'.'