Humiliation Counselor Gifts

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

You were warned about mixed marriages.

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

'I've changed my mind Donald. I don't want to put a little spice back into our marriage anymore.'

'I've been happily married for 15 years... that covers 3 marriages.'

"Wow . . . We could really fill this room with uncomfortable silences."

"Every Sunday, the same thing: we watch the ducks from Bow Bridge, I think about pushing you in, and then we go to that stupid Mexican place."

'Before we begin, let's say a little prayer for humility.'

"He doesn't like dinosaurs."

'I think Mr. Teddy's getting too dependent on me.'

'We don't bond any more.'

"I regret the day we bought a memory foam mattress."

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

'You were on your fishing trip so long I met someone new and raised a family.'

'Thank you for the job offer, sir, but I find that unemployment helps keep me humble.'

"This better work out."

'We first met here - when I was doing your job.'

"That's Fred's Case History."

Off the wall legal advisor.

'You're radiating negative energy.'

"It's a new signal to specify that we don't need Robin."

'Try to keep a straight face when you plead 'not guilty'.'

Man enters the 'Tunnel of Love' with a nagging wife, but exits alone.

'Don't trust people Billy, they'll only hurt you.'

'Tell me more about your programmer.'

'I'm terribly mixed up.'

"Sometimes I think you only married me because I lived next door!"

"Not tonight, dear. I don't like you very much."

"Bad sex! Bad, bad, bad sex!"

Unfortunatel for Bob, his wit was much quicker than his ability to duck a flying plate of crab legs.

'Not the car. Mother is recalling me for the correction of a major defect in my marriage - you.'