Hr Professionals With A Sense Of Humor Gifts

'And what sentence do you see yourself serving in five years?'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

'I'll need more than I can spend.'

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

"I have to say candidate two made a very good impression."

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the recruitment and training of new staff to replace the staff we laid off."

'The last guy I worked for kept me on a short leash.'

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

"I've downloaded an app to hire and fire people."

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

'I wish I could fire people as well as Donald Trump.'

"There is a great deal of evidence that big savings can be made if departments shared resources... But I suspect that implementing the changes might be problematic if we can't even get Norman to lend out his pencil sharpener."

"The firm is always appointed above competence levels, you topped out at paperclip."

'Interesting resume, would you mind if I kept it overnight? I'd like to take it home with me...and scare the living daylight out of my kids.'

'The really scary part is that he is the new head of human resources.'

"I can handle a wide variety of work. In fact I've had ten different jobs in four months."

"Good: I see you're fluent in nonsense."

"Intern? Oh, no. He wandered in from our day care center."

'Elaine, no interruptions for the next ten seconds please.'

Work Safety - Chemicals.

"I'm sure he's a fine boy, but we prefer interviewing your son in person."

'You've impressed the interview panel, but our handwriting analyst has determined that you're insane.'

"Tell us something we don't know."

'There's new evidence that my departure from my previous employer merely coincided with their brain drain.'

'Human resources gave us the idea of trying 'blind interviewing'...'

"I was sick - sick in Hawaii."

I'm sorry, but your drug screen results disqualify you as an employment candidate, You see, sample 'A' is a normal brain, sample 'B' is a normal brain on drugs, and sample 'C',,, Well, Mr, Dumpty, sample 'C' is your brain,

The job interview was more thorough than roger had anticipated.

Very well, Mr Potter. I blinked first. You're hired.

'Here's your report card... I mean, review.'