Hr Professionals With A Sense Of Humor Gifts

'And what sentence do you see yourself serving in five years?'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

'I'll need more than I can spend.'

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

'The last guy I worked for kept me on a short leash.'

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the recruitment and training of new staff to replace the staff we laid off."

"I have to say candidate two made a very good impression."

"I've downloaded an app to hire and fire people."

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

"There is a great deal of evidence that big savings can be made if departments shared resources... But I suspect that implementing the changes might be problematic if we can't even get Norman to lend out his pencil sharpener."

'I wish I could fire people as well as Donald Trump.'

"Intern? Oh, no. He wandered in from our day care center."

"The firm is always appointed above competence levels, you topped out at paperclip."

Rudy, from now on I'm going to answer all employee requests through Twitter. Publicly? Businessman of the Year. Armstrong Maynard. That's right. If you have a valid request, you should have no problem with the entire world hearing it. Now, what was that again about you needing time off for a proctology appointment? Never mind. Hold on ... composing a tweet ... How do you spell "polyp" again?

"I can handle a wide variety of work. In fact I've had ten different jobs in four months."

"Good: I see you're fluent in nonsense."

'Elaine, no interruptions for the next ten seconds please.'

'Interesting resume, would you mind if I kept it overnight? I'd like to take it home with me...and scare the living daylight out of my kids.'

'The really scary part is that he is the new head of human resources.'

Work Safety - Chemicals.

"I'm sure he's a fine boy, but we prefer interviewing your son in person."

'You've impressed the interview panel, but our handwriting analyst has determined that you're insane.'

"Tell us something we don't know."

Very well, Mr Potter. I blinked first. You're hired.

'Here's your report card... I mean, review.'

The job interview was more thorough than roger had anticipated.

'Call this one -I like short resumes.'

I'm sorry, but your drug screen results disqualify you as an employment candidate, You see, sample 'A' is a normal brain, sample 'B' is a normal brain on drugs, and sample 'C',,, Well, Mr, Dumpty, sample 'C' is your brain,

"I was sick - sick in Hawaii."