Hr Humorists Gifts

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

"I see you have a master's degree and have served 73 unpaid internships. Do you think you're ready for a salaried job?'

'Human resources gave us the idea of trying 'blind interviewing'...'

"It's not like I'm doing away with your health benefits. I'm just asking YOU to pay for it."

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

'Is that the sweet smell of success or some imitation air freshener?'

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

'Yes, can I help you?'

Ants dressed as businessmen going to work.

"Call my broker, fax my accountant, and get my groove back."

'It was going well - until his power suit short-circuited.'

"I'm trying to lure in Generation X-ers. They're the new sandwich generation. They're sandwiched between caring for their kids and caring for their parents. So they drink lots and lots of coffee."

Employee of the Month Parking

"Motivational seminars are too expensive. Just buy stronger coffee."

'My firm has an entire department that does nothing but adjust for inflation.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

'According to the budget, we'll have to count on body heat to keep the offices warm.'

Suggestions box in a toilet.

"By 'dress down day', most of us mean not wearing a jacket!"

"In accordance with our new 'sharing of responsibilities initiative,' you'll all be responsible for getting my coffee." i

"Well, if you hadn't misfiled it in the first place it wouldn't have been lost."

'Ask yourself, 'What is it I'm not doing?', and then ask yourself, 'What is it I'm doing too much?'.'

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

'ANOTHER Shakespeare play?!! Look, all we wanted was the user manual for a sandwich maker.'

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

'Surely they're not ALL still in their offices!'

"If we do hire you, will you promise to bring a bag lunch and dispose of the bag in the proper receptacle?"

'I'll need more than I can spend.'