Hr Humor Enthusiast Gifts

'Are you here about the lifeguard job?'

'We're looking for a cashier. . . Yes, that's the one we're looking for.'

"I think we're going to have to look at our recruitment algorithms again."

"Good: I see you're fluent in nonsense."

'I've found someone to replace you.'

"We don't disclose what we pay until you sign a contract committing to work for us for a year."

I'm sorry, but your drug screen results disqualify you as an employment candidate, You see, sample 'A' is a normal brain, sample 'B' is a normal brain on drugs, and sample 'C',,, Well, Mr, Dumpty, sample 'C' is your brain,

"Sorry, you are too light for heavy work and too heavy for light work."

"You understand that we screen applicants pretty thoroughly."

"I'm pleased to inform you that you have won our employee of the month award, Miss North. What evening will you be free this week?"

"We're spending 75% of our time dealing with the elderly and infirm, and that's just the staff."

"Yes, we are accepting resumes. Just put yours in our resume pool."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

In/Out/These Things Happen.

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

Golfing Boss

'He got a raise but not enough to help him clear the fence.'

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

Work Parfait