Hr Humor Appreciator Gifts

'We don't settle for second best... And Bleargh here is the best in the galaxy.'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'Sorry you have the wrong background for the job.'

"Of course the job has benefits - you benefit by getting a paycheck every week!"

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

New company policy...next time you miss a meeting I need a note from a doctor or a subpoena from a judge.

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

'Miss Finch, find out what she does over there and offer her twice as much to do it over here.'

"Looks like our days at the think tank are numbered."

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

"Well, let's quickly put Ken's incredibly incendiary remarks behind us and hopefully continue the discussion in a simmering rage."

Research and Development: Now, Never.

'I'll need more than I can spend.'

'Hey! I sad, 'You've got mail!''

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

'Boss, it seems like a friendly text, but you've got to learn to read between the emoticons.'

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

"To be clear you are willing to labor under misconceptions?"

'The last guy I worked for kept me on a short leash.'

"I've downloaded an app to hire and fire people."

Dog to hirer: 'I'm a mongrel, and I'll work like one.'

"I have to say candidate two made a very good impression."

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

Management Reshuffle

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the recruitment and training of new staff to replace the staff we laid off."

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

"Look, I can still fit into the suit I wore during the last paradigm shift."

'Now you see, that's EXACTLY what we should try to avoid here.'

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

"I have to be honest: the job you're applying for is a real no-brainer. Are you sure you're OK with that?"

'I wish I could fire people as well as Donald Trump.'