Hr Humor Collector Gifts

"You are adequately qualified, Mr. Harris, but I'm afraid I'll be hiring somebody else as I don't think I can stand looking at your stupid little face all day long."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'I used to commute. Now I transform.'

Friday

'Yes, can I help you?'

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

The new contract didn't leave him much room to maneuver his hoverdesk.

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

Concerned that she would be passed over for a promotion if management knew she was pregnant, Donna concealed the fact.

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

'Productivity is up. Lay off a couple of more employees.'

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

'I'll need more than I can spend.'

"My assistant will show you the ropes."

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

'The last guy I worked for kept me on a short leash.'

"I have to say candidate two made a very good impression."

"I've downloaded an app to hire and fire people."

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the recruitment and training of new staff to replace the staff we laid off."

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

File Cabinets for Perfectionists

'And it's here, where we feel the bulk of our liquid assets are going.'

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

'I wish I could fire people as well as Donald Trump.'

"Time to do it in!"

'This committee will have two functions - to execute my plans and to accept responsibility if they fail.'

'Here's a signed statement from Vince Cable saying we can get rid of underperforming employees more easily.'

"Good: I see you're fluent in nonsense."

Your call is important to us...

"Most of the time, it's unclear what our company does exactly."

'Elaine, no interruptions for the next ten seconds please.'

'You're the very first employee to register your complaint via my 'open door' policy.'