Hr Humor Appreciators Gifts

'One good thing about my record is all my crimes have been pardonable.'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

New company policy...next time you miss a meeting I need a note from a doctor or a subpoena from a judge.

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

'I'll need more than I can spend.'

"Looks like our days at the think tank are numbered."

Research and Development: Now, Never.

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

"Well, let's quickly put Ken's incredibly incendiary remarks behind us and hopefully continue the discussion in a simmering rage."

'Miss Finch, find out what she does over there and offer her twice as much to do it over here.'

'Hey! I sad, 'You've got mail!''

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

'Boss, it seems like a friendly text, but you've got to learn to read between the emoticons.'

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the recruitment and training of new staff to replace the staff we laid off."

Dog to hirer: 'I'm a mongrel, and I'll work like one.'

"To be clear you are willing to labor under misconceptions?"

'The last guy I worked for kept me on a short leash.'

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

"I've downloaded an app to hire and fire people."

"I have to say candidate two made a very good impression."

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

Management Reshuffle

'Now you see, that's EXACTLY what we should try to avoid here.'

"Look, I can still fit into the suit I wore during the last paradigm shift."

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

'Being taller than me will get you nowhere.'

"I have to be honest: the job you're applying for is a real no-brainer. Are you sure you're OK with that?"

'I wish I could fire people as well as Donald Trump.'

'It's easy for you to climb the corporate ladder, you just lay your eggs and leave: No need for Maternity Leave!'