Hr Humor Appreciators Gifts

'One good thing about my record is all my crimes have been pardonable.'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

New company policy...next time you miss a meeting I need a note from a doctor or a subpoena from a judge.

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

'Hey! I sad, 'You've got mail!''

'Miss Finch, find out what she does over there and offer her twice as much to do it over here.'

"Looks like our days at the think tank are numbered."

"Well, let's quickly put Ken's incredibly incendiary remarks behind us and hopefully continue the discussion in a simmering rage."

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

'I'll need more than I can spend.'

Research and Development: Now, Never.

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

'Boss, it seems like a friendly text, but you've got to learn to read between the emoticons.'

"To be clear you are willing to labor under misconceptions?"

"I have to say candidate two made a very good impression."

'The last guy I worked for kept me on a short leash.'

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the recruitment and training of new staff to replace the staff we laid off."

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

"I've downloaded an app to hire and fire people."

Dog to hirer: 'I'm a mongrel, and I'll work like one.'

'Now you see, that's EXACTLY what we should try to avoid here.'

"Look, I can still fit into the suit I wore during the last paradigm shift."

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

"I have to be honest: the job you're applying for is a real no-brainer. Are you sure you're OK with that?"

'Being taller than me will get you nowhere.'

'I wish I could fire people as well as Donald Trump.'

'It's easy for you to climb the corporate ladder, you just lay your eggs and leave: No need for Maternity Leave!'

We only have two things to fear - fear itself and someone getting a look at our books.