Howling Humorist Gifts

"OOOOWWOOO!"

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

Bob woke up in a pile of notes, some scrawled so quickly that no one could decode them. He remembered nothing of the night before, except... yes, a fleeting glimpse of the writer's moon.

"And this Halloween, try not to make a specter of yourself."

He doesn't howl at the moon. He prefers to howl into the void.

"I hate open-mike night."

Polterguest: "When is your brother going to leave? He's driving me crazy!"

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

'His Trout Almondine Veal Cordon Blue in mushroom sauce was crudely seasoned.'

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

"We remain reasonably confident that once we nail down the little network problem we're having, all Hell will be able to break loose according to the modified schedule, which, unfortunately, is in a file we can't seem to locate right now."

Actually, I prefer to think of my body as repurposed.

'We're very lucky, really, with our poltergeist.'

"Where are all the hecklers? I have some great rejoinders."

Sir Gilbert Murgatroyd

'Why are ghosts bad at telling lies?'

"Nice, but not Pavarotti''

'Wrong fork. Good Lord, man, don't you have any table manners?'

Footballer Sponsored By Brown Beer Has Brown Beer Can Thrown at Him

"Is everything ok? You've hardly said 'Boo' all evening."

Hades Weather Channel. Tomorrow will continue gloomy with lots of scattered firestorms and high pressure fronts. And, as always, an infinitesimal chance of freezing over.

'Tastes like it's been stored next to a blazing furnace for twenty years - Perfect!'

Finally, a big puffy hand for the losing team.

Shakespeare in the Industrial Park

Preserved head and mobile phone.

"Ooh, Igor — a dead rat! You shouldn’t have!"

"It's totally pointless - that's what makes it art."

'Sorry, not tonight: My mum said you can't come over for a sleepover during the full moon anymore...'

"Your call is very important to us. Please hold the line...for eternity!"

'This next song is one I wrote before I souled out.'

That's a salad pitchfork, Bob.

"Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!"

'You can come back as a zombie OR a ghost, Randy, but not both.'

"Well... Can't say I'm surprised!"

"What can I say? Tough split."