Howling Humorist Pillows

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

Bob woke up in a pile of notes, some scrawled so quickly that no one could decode them. He remembered nothing of the night before, except... yes, a fleeting glimpse of the writer's moon.

"And this Halloween, try not to make a specter of yourself."

"I hate open-mike night."

Polterguest: "When is your brother going to leave? He's driving me crazy!"

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

'His Trout Almondine Veal Cordon Blue in mushroom sauce was crudely seasoned.'

"We remain reasonably confident that once we nail down the little network problem we're having, all Hell will be able to break loose according to the modified schedule, which, unfortunately, is in a file we can't seem to locate right now."

'We're very lucky, really, with our poltergeist.'

Sir Gilbert Murgatroyd

'Why are ghosts bad at telling lies?'

"Where are all the hecklers? I have some great rejoinders."

'Wrong fork. Good Lord, man, don't you have any table manners?'

Footballer Sponsored By Brown Beer Has Brown Beer Can Thrown at Him

Shakespeare in the Industrial Park

"Is everything ok? You've hardly said 'Boo' all evening."

'Tastes like it's been stored next to a blazing furnace for twenty years - Perfect!'

"Ooh, Igor — a dead rat! You shouldn’t have!"

Finally, a big puffy hand for the losing team.

Preserved head and mobile phone.

"It's totally pointless - that's what makes it art."

"Your call is very important to us. Please hold the line...for eternity!"

'This next song is one I wrote before I souled out.'

"What can I say? Tough split."

'You can come back as a zombie OR a ghost, Randy, but not both.'

"Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!"

'Sorry, not tonight: My mum said you can't come over for a sleepover during the full moon anymore...'

"Well... Can't say I'm surprised!"

Ostrich has head in sand to watch TV set