Houston Fan Gifts

"It's Houston. They have a problem."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

Welcome To New York City...Subject to the following conditions.

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

Songs about Texas, next 1100 miles.

Monster Baseball

"Got him up at the stadium, Chief. It was Yankee Duck Day."

"Lord Stanley's Cup...and Bailey"

Yeah, I've been driving in circles for an hour looking for a place to park. Zamboni.

"My world is Tribeca, lars, and yours is a different world."

'He's not a skilled pitcher. In fact, he throws like a nerd...'

Down on Bourbon Street...

"Slide, Howie!!! Slide!"

'Watch out, Dewey! Cow pie!'

The Real March of the Penguins.

'Time out! He needs a hug!!'

'The nurse wanted you to pee in THIS type of cup.'

Dating The Daughter Of A Hockey Goalie

"It's only until Dad gets his stall built."

Raging Bull on Ice

Cowboy

'Me? Argue? ...No, sir! That was an excellent call.'

Gullboy and Pigeonman

"A game similar to baseball was first played in the Olympics in 1996." I didn't think "Jeapardy!" had any softball questions.

What would happen if Shakespeare lived centuries later and tried being a baseball umpire? Out, damned spot! Out, I say! Can you explain the infield fly rule. It is madness yet there is method in it! What's in a name? A rose by any other name would hit as sweet! Fair is foul, and foul is fair. You should stick to writing.

Sports Medicine.

'...And remember' It's not whether your dads win or lose the fight in the stands. It's how you play the game.'

"Hey! What's with the 'home run trot'? You struck out!"

"You can tatse the slopes, er I mean hops in this."

At spring training.

"Just how powerful of a fan did you put in your computer?"

'Safe!'

Mom Umpires

'Go ahead, big bowler... Show me what you've got!'