Housing Detective Gifts

Anchor holding house 'Damp, what damp?'

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

"Let me call you back, Lori. I'm binge-watching John clean the gutters."

Real Estate Personals

Homeless count.

Those missing socks...where do they go?

'They're playing house.'

"If the nanny state wants us to solve the housing crisis they need to get out of the way and let us learn from the leaders in the field..."

Darlene, my intelligence tells me that your fiance is a slob. What intelligence, Rudy? Surveillance photos – dirty clothes and towels thrown on the floor. Dishes piled up in the sink. That's my Mel? How did you get those? Top-flight government spy methods. House of Java.net Cybercafe.

'I think you'll all rest easy knowing this is a gated community!'

UP Again: Housing Prices.

New Homes

Turtle Eviction

Yes. This is definitely a house. The Housing Authority closes another tough case.

"There's food in the fridge, and clues about the state of our marriage all around the house."

'Curiosity'

"I investigated your husband, Mrs Adams. He isn't cheating on you. In fact, I'm your husband. We've just really lost touch recently."

"The back of the house? Didn't I already show you that?"

'In another universe parallel to our own.'

"This is probably how they keep getting in."

'Don't be alarmed at closing when you sign you name so many times you don't recognize your own signature.'

"If this is a bit beyond your budget then I've got a shoebox coming available next week!"

"I can smell his fear of commitment."

"Is it me or is this mini home trend getting out of control?"

Snail Peephole

'That's the Director of Housing. She isn't taking the news of the rates freeze too well...'

"I have found a house in your price range, but it will be a long commute every day from Greenland."

'That must be the termite inspector.'

"We had to get builders to stop hoarding land and start building houses...extreme forms of persuasion were called for!"

'We're being foreclosed on. We're going to have to relocate to a loafer.'

'Oooh the Timpsons have got new blinds.' (Blinds read 'Sod off you nosy cow).

'Yes, I know I told you only this morning that the property was within your price range....and this morning it was.'

'She'll come round to the idea of a Granny Flat eventually.'

Real estate: 'Sure, it's a long commute, but the price is right!'

'I see you have been mopping the floor while I was out. Are you doing this to be nice or disposing of evidence?' 'Why can't it be both?'