Housing Detective T-Shirts

Anchor holding house 'Damp, what damp?'

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

"Let me call you back, Lori. I'm binge-watching John clean the gutters."

Real Estate Personals

Homeless count.

Those missing socks...where do they go?

'They're playing house.'

"If the nanny state wants us to solve the housing crisis they need to get out of the way and let us learn from the leaders in the field..."

'I think you'll all rest easy knowing this is a gated community!'

UP Again: Housing Prices.

New Homes

Turtle Eviction

Yes. This is definitely a house. The Housing Authority closes another tough case.

"There's food in the fridge, and clues about the state of our marriage all around the house."

'Curiosity'

"The back of the house? Didn't I already show you that?"

'In another universe parallel to our own.'

"This is probably how they keep getting in."

'Don't be alarmed at closing when you sign you name so many times you don't recognize your own signature.'

"I can smell his fear of commitment."

"I have found a house in your price range, but it will be a long commute every day from Greenland."

"Is it me or is this mini home trend getting out of control?"

Snail Peephole

'That must be the termite inspector.'

'That's the Director of Housing. She isn't taking the news of the rates freeze too well...'

"If this is a bit beyond your budget then I've got a shoebox coming available next week!"

"We had to get builders to stop hoarding land and start building houses...extreme forms of persuasion were called for!"

'We're being foreclosed on. We're going to have to relocate to a loafer.'

'Oooh the Timpsons have got new blinds.' (Blinds read 'Sod off you nosy cow).

'Yes, I know I told you only this morning that the property was within your price range....and this morning it was.'

'She'll come round to the idea of a Granny Flat eventually.'

'I see you have been mopping the floor while I was out. Are you doing this to be nice or disposing of evidence?' 'Why can't it be both?'

Real estate: 'Sure, it's a long commute, but the price is right!'

"Well, you did say that you were looking for a detached property."