Homeowner Detective T-Shirts

'I don't think there's much we can do about it - he's on the planning committee.'

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

'I found the termites!'

Fuel bill gone through the roof

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

"You're sure it was a Northern Bobwhite?"

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

'The roof needs icing.'

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

"Homes on Holmes"

'For Sale by Neighbor'

"It's not so much a fixer upper as a tear it downer."

"Let me call you back, Lori. I'm binge-watching John clean the gutters."

"Yes, Madame, Teletubbies."

Gypsy curses didn't seem so threatening after the Mummy went into the peg business.

'We're waiting for an estimate that doesn't make him do that.'

"The pH level seems a little off."

It's a good thing our neighbors don't know what weirdos we are.

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

'The Hunt family have solved the problem of the fire ants.'

"You've got a real fungus problem. You'll have to move out until it's taken care of."

'Keep your feet on the joists, Cedric.'

"Well, we could just tell everyone we have an indoor pool!"

Those missing socks...where do they go?

"To be honest, I'd be stupid not to take advantage of the market."

'Hey! By appointment only!!'

"I now recognize the basement was a bad idea."

The builder had said there would be some settling after the house was finished, so really the home owners shouldn't complain.