Houseman Gifts

Brad Pitt.

Jack of all trades

"You haven't got dyslexia- the instructions are in polish."

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

Domestic Goddess.

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

"I didn't spark joy."

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

Hungry child

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

Painting the Ceiling

"They're comfortable."

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

Tool Box

'I found the termites!'

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

A man sees a leak in his ceiling and drills a hole in the floor under leak to by pass his apartment.

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

I did it my way.

"I thought you were making a coffee table?"

The Gardener's Calendar: Try to Repair It...

'They make remarkably clean pets.'

'A cousin to the hammerhead, here we see the allusive, yet, handy, multi-use shark.'

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

Housewife feeding her washing machine with a brief.

'Is there any chance at all I could get you to stop leaving your pantyhouse laying around?!'

Girl who can't cook meets guys who can't fix stuff.

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

'I suppose you want Polly to forget she heard that.'

"You look great. One problem though: I'm the one who goes to work."

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

'You'll never believe the day I've had...'

"Flat pack furniture is my passion. It's just a shame I haven't the space to assemble it."