Housemate Gifts

'Of course I considered your feelings - I brought you some ear-plugs.'

"I hope you don't mind, but I used your toothbrush."

"How do you know it's my leaves clogging the shower drain?"

Heavy-duty, super-capacity, two speeds, 10 cycles. All of them vicious.

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

'Hey! Clean up after yourself...will ya!'

"I just got an alert from our smart refrigerator. It's pleading with us to not stick anything else on it."

Murray wonders whether the thrill of his next move will be worth the inevitable end of household harmony.

"I come from haunts of coot and hern!"

House proud woman vacuums hair from dog.

'It's for you.'

'Is there any chance at all I could get you to stop leaving your pantyhouse laying around?!'

'Take that thing outside. As if we don't stink enough.'

Hoovering up before firemen go in.

"Oh no! This chimney needs re-pointing."

New broom

'I really think we need to change the bin bag...'

Domestic duties

"Yes I know it's a nuclear explosion darling, but it's also bin day!"

"Hello Simon!! Long time no see!"

The new normal? ...and for the lady of the house, this can be your Charmin toilet paper chamber.

"So maybe the idea of using cheaper petrol to heat the house wasn't a great idea!"

'When you see a white handkerchief on the door it means I have a cold.'

'Hey, I was reading that!'

'I can't get John to do a thing to the garden!'

Cat Delivery

"Hope you don't need the bathroom. His showers take forever."

Siamese Insulting Fish

"No, we decided the west corner was for political posturing; this is the 'rocking back-and-forth in futility' corner."

"I'll come join you as soon as I'm done sob-yelling for the night."

"You came here from a distant planet to 'study humanity,' but God forbid you help around the house."

Your new suede ankle boots?

"Fine-- next time you slay the dragon and I'll cook."

Domestic Superheroes!!

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.