Household Tricks Gifts

"I finally cleaned my room. You don't think she'll look in the yard, do you?"

'How long do you think it will take to heal?'

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

"The dryer giveth and the dryer taketh away."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

When laundry ruled the waves.

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

Neighbor Leaf Wars

Kitchen Tetris

Woman simutaneously playing the cello and washing man in bath's back

Acclaimed mother.

Washing Line Walker

"You get back here this minute, young man! You're not going anywhere until you clean your room!"

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

'He's not here right now. He's out pumping iron.'

'There's an app you can program to delete your trash? I've had one for years called Dave.'

Pest Control

Futile Little Snow Shoveler Guy Snow Globe

'Whenever Mat gets a little over-confident, I tell him to try to fold a fitted bed sheet.'

Separation Anxiety

Woman puts a targeting sight on her vacuum cleaner.

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

"So what if they notice a stain? Everyone gets tummy aches. Besides, we’re conserving energy."

"Mom said mopping up my snow tracks is a good start for my bucket list."

"I am not ‘politicizing the issue’ — I simply asked you to pick up your room!"

'Not bad. Already 17 minutes into Saturday morning before I receive my first ultimatum.'

'Harold, I told you to take out the trash!'

'Sorting the laundry is hell.'

Child doing the washing up

A Visit From The Procrastination Muse

"You realize one of us is not coming back."

'Since it's Mother's Day, we'd like you to take the day off.'

Whack-A-Chore: "You play it all day, every day, until you can't anymore."

"The clothes looked extra dirty... so I used the whole box of detergent!"