House Touring Gifts

"Does the water always come through the ceiling like that?"

'Are you sure that's the right map?'

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

"First aid box, puncture repair kit, mobile phone, energy bars and plenty of liquids; I think that's all eventualities covered..."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

Bradley Wiggins

'And, at those prices, we have two wheel well seats available.'

Monks in monastry dancing, "They're high on apostasy again."

Man biking with an enormous amount of things on his back.

'I think we have some stowaways.'

That private little woodland walk you used to love now with a: Visitors' Experience Centre!

Rudy Park Enterprises regrets to announce the end to a brief experiment aimed at combining the popular and irrepressible talk show phenomenon Sadie Cohen with a background beat of powerful and thrilling house music. In fact, our ratings soared during our experiment. Revenue shot up 17.5 percent. Advertisers loved it. Our decision to cancel the experiment in no way reflects any error of management. Rather, it was a raging success reflective of our forward thinking management. In the end, though,

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

'What?! Not even one of you wants to see how they're made?'

"Now we're leaving the hall of stuff we stole from other cultures and entering the hall of stuff we paid too much for."

'The yeast cells are flocculating? - I don't think the kids are ready for that.'

"The sellers recommended that I burn some sage during the tour."

Let's see...number 61...the painting's name is 'Calamity'.

'And here on our left you see the sugary cereal aisle...a real crowd pleaser!'

Whale Watch Tours.

"You'd think over the years one or two of them would catch on."

'It's your father. He says he's joining Bob Dylan's never ending tour.'

"You have indeed purchased an original Rembrandt. A Ralph Rembrandt."

"The years 1966 through 1995 are blank because I was on tour with the Grateful Dead."

"It's a nice unit, but there may be a faint odor from the last tenant..." "Yeah, enough to make you faint."

'An off-white entertainment giant that's been in and out of favour with the public - what better place for Jacko's comeback?'

"This house comes with smart windows. They automatically open when my husband takes his shoes off."

'This is the last goodwill tour I do!'

"It's all about the freezer storage space for Vinny."

"Thanks for spending me hours showing me all the brochures...now I think I'll go and buy my tour on the internet."

Winery tours.

"It's an audio guide, sweetheart, not a remote."

"And this is our extended family room."

'To be honest, Fred, the tour was so fast that I won't know exactly where we went until the credit card bill arrives.'