House Touring Gifts

"Does the water always come through the ceiling like that?"

'Are you sure that's the right map?'

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

Bradley Wiggins

Monks in monastry dancing, "They're high on apostasy again."

'And, at those prices, we have two wheel well seats available.'

'I think we have some stowaways.'

Man biking with an enormous amount of things on his back.

That private little woodland walk you used to love now with a: Visitors' Experience Centre!

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

'What?! Not even one of you wants to see how they're made?'

'The yeast cells are flocculating? - I don't think the kids are ready for that.'

"Now we're leaving the hall of stuff we stole from other cultures and entering the hall of stuff we paid too much for."

"The sellers recommended that I burn some sage during the tour."

Let's see...number 61...the painting's name is 'Calamity'.

'And here on our left you see the sugary cereal aisle...a real crowd pleaser!'

Whale Watch Tours.

"You'd think over the years one or two of them would catch on."

"The years 1966 through 1995 are blank because I was on tour with the Grateful Dead."

"It's a nice unit, but there may be a faint odor from the last tenant..." "Yeah, enough to make you faint."

'This is the last goodwill tour I do!'

"This house comes with smart windows. They automatically open when my husband takes his shoes off."

"Thanks for spending me hours showing me all the brochures...now I think I'll go and buy my tour on the internet."

"It's an audio guide, sweetheart, not a remote."

Winery tours.

"And this is our extended family room."

'To be honest, Fred, the tour was so fast that I won't know exactly where we went until the credit card bill arrives.'

"Sit tight, chief-I'll take you out where the big swords are."