Home Touring Gifts

"It's a nice unit, but there may be a faint odor from the last tenant..." "Yeah, enough to make you faint."

"The sellers recommended that I burn some sage during the tour."

You said the house had cathedral ceilings but nothing about a cathedral basement.

'Are you sure that's the right map?'

The Vineyard

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

"First aid box, puncture repair kit, mobile phone, energy bars and plenty of liquids; I think that's all eventualities covered..."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

Bradley Wiggins

'And this is Eddy, he's been giving virtual tours long before computers.'

"Yes, but this one is made of Chiclets."

'And, at those prices, we have two wheel well seats available.'

Man biking with an enormous amount of things on his back.

'I think we have some stowaways.'

That private little woodland walk you used to love now with a: Visitors' Experience Centre!

'What?! Not even one of you wants to see how they're made?'

'Well, they're just like your mom's cookies if your mom is a 35 ton, multi-unit dough extruder.'

"Now we're leaving the hall of stuff we stole from other cultures and entering the hall of stuff we paid too much for."

'The yeast cells are flocculating? - I don't think the kids are ready for that.'

'And here on our left you see the sugary cereal aisle...a real crowd pleaser!'

Wildlife in Herb's Apartment

Let's see...number 61...the painting's name is 'Calamity'.

Whale Watch Tours.

A tourist sees that every sign leads the right way.

"I'm so glad you've agreed to see Paris with me."

"You'd think over the years one or two of them would catch on."

"The years 1966 through 1995 are blank because I was on tour with the Grateful Dead."

"Why, it's Daphne—home from Foxcroft."

"This house comes with smart windows. They automatically open when my husband takes his shoes off."

'This year's holiday is in a big house with a garden!'

'This is the last goodwill tour I do!'

"Looks like we'll be going on holiday on our own this year."

Other men just sing in the bath

"Dad can we stop pushing this backdrop and go on a real vacation?"

Winery tours.