House Proud Poser Gifts

'After reading this description you've done of our house, we've decided not to move.'

"Thanks! Carl put his heart and soul into it, along with, of course, lots of mud and a boatload of his own saliva."

"Oh, this old thing?"

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

Yoga with Baby

Man posing on beach as women ignore him.

'Are you done yet?'

"At last we own our own apartment. I feel like a king."

Man and Woman suck in their stomachs in order to impress.

Bird in sunglasses balancing on a stick.

'Excuse me, would you mind...?'

"I'm going to throw this contract out the window, hargraves. Bring it back to me and make sure someone's signature is on it."

'Sorry about the blindfolds girls, but I haven't had time to tidy up.'

Whatever

Everest summit queue...

Artist's model for a painting of Hamlet turns up to the studio with a black eye

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is serious. We have now fallen behind Japan in the manufacture of American flags."

Selfie

My dad loves his lawn.

Baldo and Cruz try to look good as women in bikinis walk by."

"My mum won a prize at the agricultural show too! Her painting got first prize for landscape painting in the arts and crafts division..."

'And make sure the house is clean before the cleaner arrives.'

Nude model looking at her portrait.

'I won't look in the trunk of your car if you don't look in my basement.'

'But first, could you loan me some money for film?'

"He's not local, he's from a catalogue"

Art vs Nature

Taking selfies

'George can't resist showing guests the new extension.'

I'm also carrying that book around without reading it.

"I'd invite you in, but I have a white couch."