House Proud Aficionado Gifts

"Neat Nick!": Tidiest cowboy in the west

Florida - Still Gay as F**k

Monks in monastry dancing, "They're high on apostasy again."

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

Inventor of the Tudor spirit-level

"Today on Escape to the Country Emily & Oliver are looking for that special little property in the Cotswolds. So what exactly's going to tick all their boxes?"

God save the Queen.

'I know the Oval Office is in the West Wing. I wonder what mischief goes on in the East Wing?'

"It's like a tiny house, but bigger."

PRIDE!

Jewish Hall of Nachas

We would have come to you sooner, but he wouldn't ask for directions.

'Let's take out a second mortgage and add a pizza garage.'

"Do you know what your problem is, Duane? You're too full of yourself!"

"It's really too much house for us, but Fran and I plan to live in the walk-in closet and rent the rest."

'Now you behave yourself and don't throw and infestation while we're gone.'

Happy Valentine's Day

"The old lady who lives in a shoe is ready for winter."

'Sorry about the blindfolds girls, but I haven't had time to tidy up.'

President, first lady and mischievous first lad.

Underground House Night - Mind The Gap

Lesbian marriage, Mrs and Mrs

"Happy National Pride Month."

Turn this music off! Please. Thumpa thump … Thank goodness. This is insane. How can they combine a talk show with house music? Allow us to explain: To attract younger audiences, we, the media conglomerates, must communicate on their terms, on their wavelength. More media, multimedia, simultaneous media, streaming screaming gleaming screeching grinding mind-bending media! I'm going to kill something! You're playing into their hands. Thumpa thumpa thumpa.

Gay Rights Society Out, Proud

Maybe you guys are working at Wall Street. But it's me who's consecrating the new sausage machine in the slaughter house tomorrow!

A tombstone in a cemetery reads "Prentiss W. Burchmeyer - Born July 16, 1908, Dined at the White House May 3, 1984, Died March 30 1987".

Servant's Request

You are so gay, Kevin.

"And to my nephew Scott, bold denier of climate change, I bequeath my north shore bungalow."

"Before you sit down, let me give you the grand tour."

'And make sure the house is clean before the cleaner arrives.'

'Gary is a model at a company that designs fun house mirrors.'

'No, this is not the dream Cape Cod, 3BR, 2 1/2 BTH, 21 FT LR. This is the charming Dutch colonial, 2BTH, 4BR, L6 Deck, 6AR.'

"Wow, by the time the Secret Service caught him, the intruder had made it over the fence, past the North Portico, through the East Room and onto the short list for the next Attorney General."