Hot Dog Humorist Gifts

"Stay that far away."

Hot dog warmer

"The chef made some substitutions to tonight's menu. Instead of Escarots a la Bourguignonne, he's cooking hot dogs."

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

Dog looks perplexed as man has his head out the window taking in the beer smells.

Dog Hunting Trophies.

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

Tell me again how aloof and independent cats are.

"He's no hat and all corgis."

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

"I'm working from home today."

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

'Jurassic Pork.'

'You've made a powerful enemy'

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

No Soliciting

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

"Yes, one is a dog."

Hats and Food

"Scuba cow"

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

'I'll be glad when winter is over and he can start buryi8ng bones again.'

Fish with a human in a bowl.

Dogs life

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

Cats at private view

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

'Ugh! Another oil puddle in the living room – bad robot dog!'

"We're going to the Vet aren't we."