Hospital Porter Gifts

'Sorry, but we are shorthanded today...'

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

Disorderlies

Thank you healthcare heroes

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

Dancing Doctor

Barbeque Casualty.

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

'What's holding him up?'

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

'It's not easy being fabulous and caretaking.'

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

'The doctor will be with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'

"...we have a heart-lung-kidney-liver-spleen machine."

Latest Railway Marvel.

"It appears your anus transplant has rejected you..."

"Why, Mr. Larsen! We were about ready to give up on you."

Hospital Departments

"Congratulations, Mr and Mrs Starmer. It's a tool!"

"I like when we get organ transplants from New York because they always throw in a dozen bagels."

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

"I'm sure he'll pull through. He's always been a real fighter."

Medical Examinations.