Hospital Porter Gifts

'Sorry, but we are shorthanded today...'

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

Disorderlies

Thank you healthcare heroes

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

Dancing Doctor

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

Barbeque Casualty.

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

'What's holding him up?'

'It's not easy being fabulous and caretaking.'

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

'The doctor will be with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'

"...we have a heart-lung-kidney-liver-spleen machine."

Latest Railway Marvel.

"Congratulations, Mr and Mrs Starmer. It's a tool!"

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

"It appears your anus transplant has rejected you..."

Hospital Departments

"I like when we get organ transplants from New York because they always throw in a dozen bagels."

"I'm sure he'll pull through. He's always been a real fighter."

"Why, Mr. Larsen! We were about ready to give up on you."

Medical Examinations.

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'