Hospital Hustle Survivor Gifts

'Never, Ever...assume anything is free when you visit a hospital.'

"I'd like a week off without any business related e-mail on my home computer."

He was different from the other doctors. For one thing, he refused to play God.

"Yeah, I know. bu tthe administration didn't want to appear culturally insensitive."

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

'Congratulations on your purchase of the new Kablooey! Desk Organizer! Instructions for use...'

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

'It's not easy being fabulous and caretaking.'

'Yeah, the radiology job market is really hot right now - it's so hot I think I'm getting third degree burns! I gotta go!'

'Time for your pills.'

'Your doing GREAT! Tomorrow you should be able to eat hospital food!'

Running Latte

"I'll have someone come in and prep you for the bill."

"We're a bit understaffed today, could you be 6 people?"

'Now here's my idea...we come up with a really high-priced drug to treat drug side effects...'

Push, push, push...

"When they said they were bringing in students I thought they meant MEDICAL students."

B.O.H.I.C.A. Memorial

'My life is around here somewhere.'

"Don't just stand there gawping women! Give me a hand with my monthly salary!"

"You've been so productive lately, I've decided to lay the entire staff off so you can do their work as well."

"Your condition appears to have deteriorated considerably since your last cheque bounced."

'That's great, Bob, but I was just going to ask if you wanted anything from the deli next door.'

'Hold it, you can cancel that STAT call.'

"Have you considered working the lunch shift?"

"It's not for soaking your feet. . . it's a bed pan."

Surgery / Canteen - The perplexities of priorites.

'The hospital food was terrible, but the savings were substantial.'

'If you had a tapeworm, would you keep it?'

"Miss Caldwell, write twenty letters, make five Xerox copies of each, feed the whole lot into the shredder, and then, if it's five o'clock, you may go home."

'These are from my attorneys for malpractice suit.'

"I'll be blunt. You don't have much time. In three days I'm turning this over to a collection agency."

'...Or, in layman's terms, Ay caramba!'