Horse Joke Enthusiast Gifts

'Wow! I thought sleeping sickness came from sleeping with the wrong people!'

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

"Don't make me warn you again, monkey. Stay outa the curiosity racket."

"You say that using a colicky horse to pull you out of the mud may actually help his colic?"

"Two of every known creature on the planet and you forgot the pooper-scooper?"

Rogue elephant

'There! Now he's tied to my satisfaction and ready for surgery!'

"Try to blame that one on the dog."

The continuing adventures of Rex, Washington DC insider.

Vulture proclaims its love for highways.

'Where's my horse?'

"When I go, I’d like my ashes dumped on top of a squirrel’s head."

'This is what Jack and me have managed to create so far...all you have to do is add your poop to the top and we have a field record!'

"Okay, which one of you called me CANDYASS?!"

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

Inappropriate horse whispering.

'I know you like your stallions tall Mary, but a clydesdale?'

Swine flu

"Don't panic Daisy dear. You can relax your buttocks, it's not the vet, it's the chimney sweep."

Never clip him yourself unless you are an expert.

"....one minute I'm there - chewing the cud - the next, I get this urge to lead!"

'I've been sentenced to five weeks while they go on holidays... What about you guys?'

You're lucky - I wish mine was such a picky eater.

"I'd love to help but at the moment I'm saddled with this enormous mortgage."

'Wait a minute, this guy is missing a head Oh jeez, we're totally gonna crash,'

'This is one of those 'shovel ready' jobs you hear about.'

"I don't have any money. I'm a mullet."

'Oh, and if a Farmer John calls, I'm not here.'

"It's the police dog again. He'd like to ask you a couple more questions."

'O.K. maybe I didn't cross the street to get to the other side. Help me, Doc. Why did I cross it?'

'We may fight like cats and dogs... but at least we don't sue.'

'My spit smells worse.'

Park statues horse and rider.

EAT HAY LOVE One Horse's Search for Everything