Hoops Humor Gifts

'I'll take everything at the division line. You get the rest.'

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Punt Cake

Football Chameleon

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

Gary turns 40.

Alternative fielding positions

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Trojan Hurdler.

"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

'Sean Connery was the best James Bond!'

"Skate or die."

'I reckon we need a new sweeper.'

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

'...and watch out for his 'flipper'!'

Small country advertisng at the Olympics

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'

Various men worshipping a statue of a football

The best goalie in the world!

'He's a bit confused after that last round.'

Pigs form huddles before taking up starting positions

'He's definitely heading for a red card.'

'He migrates through every year about this time. Just sits there and watches. We leave him alone and he leaves us alone...'