Honest Abe Fan Gifts

He was different from the other doctors. For one thing, he refused to play God.

I understand that our cat Magus died. I miss her a lot. But I wish my parents wouldn't tiptoe around it. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You don't have to watch Youtube clips of CSI: Miami to understand that death is a part of life. The thing I don't understand about our cat's death is, who would've killed her and left a mountain of unresolved clues that only a crack forensics team can figure out? Where were you at 8:45 p.m.? The Youtube Generation grows up fast.

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

Madoff and devil.

'Looks like the victim was trying to tell us something,'

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

'Does this outfit make me look fat?'

"I couldn't finish that book either."

"That's Eleanor. She's a fact checker."

"The catch of the day is halibut. The day it was caught was last Tuesday."

"The sweet smell of the leaves and the rain make fall such a refreshing time!"

'So far we don't have any suspects.'

'I just read 'Moby Dick'...do you have anymore 'whale hate' literature?'

"3:14 p.m. Suspect drives to lakeside resort. Rents rowboat under false name. Tosses evidence into... wait, how do I tell anyone?" Topper: Undercover police dog

'At least he's honest.'

'I've written a poem describing my feelings on discovering the body, Inspector...'

'I always ask that you be frank and let your hair down providing, of course, you ever grow any hair to let down.'

"Another clear case of COVID19."

'The 'whole truth and nothing but the truth' can be tricky.'

"I know it's the right thing to do, but if we call the cops this sandbox will be tied up for weeks."

You know retail is in a bad way when...

Lizzie Borden in the 21st Century...

REAL ALE for one pint only

'He's in witness protection.'

"It pains me to tell you this, but it ain't broke."

Crime - Punishment

"I'M your one call from County Lockup? Ohhhh Lenny."

"I bet you thought that because you'd been castaway for forty years, you'd get off with your six month prison sentence."

"Anything you say can be used in a very exciting new true-crime podcast we're working on."

"Well, we've learned one thing from all this ? burglars shouldn't keep diaries."

"Stick around, pal. If paint samples from your wall match those found on the body on the sidewalk, we'll need to ask you a few more questions."

"9-1-1, I'd like to report a great idea for a podcast."

"He's about your size. Peg-leg. Seen him?"

Almost got away with it, until he tried to bury the body and dug a little too deep.

Customer Service - I don't know and I don't care.