Homilies Pillows

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

'If I told you what I wished for, you'd probably slap me.'

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

Sundar Pichai's first doodle.

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

"I have an app for that."

"As a member of the Sunday praise team you are not allowed to "change it up", whenever you feel led."

"If you prayed to Google instead of God, you might get a constructive response."

Priest with Christian symbol

"So no bases are uncovered, Sister Ann gives the sermon to the deaf and Brother Brooks blogs it."

'And then the Lord proclaimed, in a loud, thunderous voice...'

Heart-shaped guitar

"...And for anyone who forgot to bring something for the collection..."

The worship singer suspects someone doesn't appreciate his talent after finding his mic muted for the 3rd time.

The little search engine: I think I can, I know I can.

'I'm about to say my prayers, Dad. Do you want more pocket money too?'

Genie.

"In a Universe Light Years Away...Almost, son, but remember you have to light up all the people for your wish to come true."

"Why do I bother to evangelize online when no one listens?"

'There's a real reason that I hate Google, but right at this moment I forget what that is.'

"Look...the Pope's not stoppin' by for a little chit chat! He's here to admonish you and revoke your powers in the name of God!"

"I wonder if he's talking to me?"

"If I had three wishes, my last wish would be to only have two wishes."

"What d'you say we try sneaking out before the last one?"

'Until this year, I couldn't find the meaning of life...but then I switched search engines.'

They're short of staff!

"How much do you tip your genie?"

Celestial reading lamp.

"A better standard of living?... Can you be a bit more specific?"

"Okay, what's your second wish?"

'Not bad - a bit preachy.'

Cricketer uses computer search engine called 'Googly'.