Humorous Homilist Pillows

'Not bad - a bit preachy.'

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

Night-time halo

"Repent" "Give alms" "Resist temptation" "Pray for me" "Fasting" "Acts of service" "Sacrifice" "Abstain" "You are ashes" "You are dust" "No meat"

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"It's cool – God told us to!"

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

'On the other hand, you must never, ever work in mysterious ways.'

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

Church In and Out Trays 'Lord Giveth' and 'Taketh away'

Priest with the Pet Devil.

"Thou Shalt not Covid thy Neighbor's Wife!"

'Would you mind not drinking from the holy water?'

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

'Golly, is it that time already?'

'We are gathered here...'

"Holy Mackerel!"

'Today's sermon is on the feeding of the five thousand...and I'll be giving you the recipe for that.'

How's my Sermon . . .

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

'Our worship space is quite large, Roger, but sanctuary committee will do nicely.'

"'Host' and Cheese?"

'Man, I'm bombing,'

"Holy water, holy water...."

'And remember: just hold up this little green paper, and they will do whatever you want.'

'World's Greatest Dad'

'I just glanced back at Sodom and Gomorrah for a second...'