Homework Humorists Gifts

'These homework patches reduce your cravings. This one is 'Chemistry,' but you can get them in any subject.'

You wrote a book report on a video game instruction manual?

'He takes his doodling very seriously.'

'Finish your homework first, Og... then you can watch the wall.'

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

'Sorry, we can't offer you a job but we would like to publish your CV.'

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."

'I was just ringing to see if you'd got the email about my letter.'

Employment Agency. I didn't hire him -- Those bipedal guys are are afraid to get their hands dirty.

"So you wouldn't be interrupted while interviewing me, I took the liberty of calling in a bomb threat."

Agree to disagree: you see him as a witness. I see him as a chaperone.

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'

'You say here that hard work doesn't scare you as long as you hide your eyes.'

"While you were on vacation, Zooker, a motion was made and seconded to saw five and a half inches off your chair legs."

I was rapidly rising to my level of incompetence, so I started screwing up just enough to maintain job security.

'I wish you had chosen a more pertinent educational issue than 'Do Dogs Actually Eat Homework?''

Personnel Office. When you go into the job interview start snooping around. I hear they're looking for somebody who checks all the boxes.

'Wake up, Jim. It's time for your break.'

'Have you ever been bonded?', 'No, but I've been married a couple of times.'

'Nice try, Billy, but dogma is not a puppy's mother!'

'You reach an age where shredded homework is a lot easier to digest.'

'Tell me about yourself. If I stay awake, you've got the job.'

"You're hired. Stay!"

"My records show we sent your bonus. Have you looked on your roof?"

'I need a hug. I was laid off at the fish factory.'

'I'm having trouble with math. Is math an acquired taste?'

Joe's Bar: Gentlemen must wear blue collars.

'...All I can say is, the judge was adamant about his gag order on the case.'

"I guess the dog has been eating Kevin's homework. She knows addition,subtraction, and most of the alphabet."

'He still hasn't got the hang of it.'

"I like your resume, Andy. It shows you're smart, a good worker and full of potassium!"

"Just a few more pages, Hansen, and we'll take a short break."

'You'll have to bring in your own refrigerator.'

"Here at Consolidated Megacorp we carry on a proud tradition of marginal competence."