Exam Humorist Gifts

'He still hasn't got the hang of it.'

"O.K., time's up. Pencils down."

You wrote a book report on a video game instruction manual?

'He takes his doodling very seriously.'

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

"This is the fourth student who bubbled in Y-O-U-R N-A-M-E when I told the class to 'bubble in your name'!"

'Finish your homework first, Og... then you can watch the wall.'

'Sorry, we can't offer you a job but we would like to publish your CV.'

"So you wouldn't be interrupted while interviewing me, I took the liberty of calling in a bomb threat."

'You say here that hard work doesn't scare you as long as you hide your eyes.'

Agree to disagree: you see him as a witness. I see him as a chaperone.

'I'd like to hire you, but you're not serious enough.'

'I wish you had chosen a more pertinent educational issue than 'Do Dogs Actually Eat Homework?''

Personnel Office. When you go into the job interview start snooping around. I hear they're looking for somebody who checks all the boxes.

'Have you ever been bonded?', 'No, but I've been married a couple of times.'

'Why did you leave your last job?'

'Nice try, Billy, but dogma is not a puppy's mother!'

"You have to not only show your answer, you have to show how you got your answer."

'You reach an age where shredded homework is a lot easier to digest.'

"...did your last employer give you a reference?"

"You're hired. Stay!"

'. . . however, in the brand-new global ball-game of macro-economics we blah blah blather blah. . .'

'I'm having trouble with math. Is math an acquired taste?'

'I need a hug. I was laid off at the fish factory.'

'It's a grueling job that requires a strong commitment and personal sacrifice. Is your mother available?'

"The boss says I've exceeded his low expectations of me!"

"Above all do not open your sealed test booklets until you are told to do so!"

'I'm still trying to decide if I should join the workforce or get my masters in staying.'

"I like your resume, Andy. It shows you're smart, a good worker and full of potassium!"

'Uh, there may have a slight misunderstanding...'

'I thought he was passing out homework!'

'Your resume is impressive, and if we ever need someone to battle a super-villain with a giant death ray, we'll definitely call you.'

'You'll have to bring in your own refrigerator.'

'This note from your teacher says you're doing great for a six year old. Doesn't she know you're fifteen?'

Sign on the Pearly Gates: Now Hiring.