Homework Comedian Gifts

'I don't need to do my homework. I outsourced it to a kid in China.'

A Puppet Named Juan

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

Ethics exam cheater.

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

I should be a writer when I grow up...

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'But I digress...'

Boss's Desk Says No!

Teacher pointing to P,Q, on board: "OK class, which letter comes next? Redbeard, you should know this."

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

A=Pi r 2, 'All this stuff about 'pie are square' makes me HUNGRY!'

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

"Read our contracts, Ms Donahue. It says 'No Sexual Harassment on the workfloor!'"

'What's wrong now?'

Billy, can you deliver your show 'n tell this time without the fog machine?

'I ace 'wheeling' but I flunked 'dealing'' - Boy on leaving Business Administration.

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

Another day at work would be one too many...

School. Report Card. You couldn't name the presidents and flunked history? Yeah -- It's not what you know, it's who you know.

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

'So what do you think of my report, sir?'

'No! Forging a note from your parents does not count as creative writing!'

'My science project is an experiment in static electricity.'

'So what are you studying, young man?'

'What begins with 'E'? Well, 'Everything'!'

Conflating Science and Grammar. The boy threw the ball. What grammatical role does "ball" play in this sentence? An object in motion!

'Right, who threw that?' (giant pupil in class).

'You did turn the company around... but we liked it the way it was...'

"Baldo, you're a very good artist! You should put your talent to use."

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."