Homework Humorists Pillows

'These homework patches reduce your cravings. This one is 'Chemistry,' but you can get them in any subject.'

'He takes his doodling very seriously.'

You wrote a book report on a video game instruction manual?

'Finish your homework first, Og... then you can watch the wall.'

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

'Sorry, we can't offer you a job but we would like to publish your CV.'

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."

'I was just ringing to see if you'd got the email about my letter.'

"So you wouldn't be interrupted while interviewing me, I took the liberty of calling in a bomb threat."

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'

'You say here that hard work doesn't scare you as long as you hide your eyes.'

"While you were on vacation, Zooker, a motion was made and seconded to saw five and a half inches off your chair legs."

I was rapidly rising to my level of incompetence, so I started screwing up just enough to maintain job security.

'I wish you had chosen a more pertinent educational issue than 'Do Dogs Actually Eat Homework?''

'Have you ever been bonded?', 'No, but I've been married a couple of times.'

'Wake up, Jim. It's time for your break.'

'Nice try, Billy, but dogma is not a puppy's mother!'

'You reach an age where shredded homework is a lot easier to digest.'

'Tell me about yourself. If I stay awake, you've got the job.'

'...All I can say is, the judge was adamant about his gag order on the case.'

"I guess the dog has been eating Kevin's homework. She knows addition,subtraction, and most of the alphabet."

"My records show we sent your bonus. Have you looked on your roof?"

'I need a hug. I was laid off at the fish factory.'

'I'm having trouble with math. Is math an acquired taste?'

"You're hired. Stay!"

Joe's Bar: Gentlemen must wear blue collars.

'He still hasn't got the hang of it.'

"I like your resume, Andy. It shows you're smart, a good worker and full of potassium!"

Lateral Recruits

'You'll have to bring in your own refrigerator.'

"Just a few more pages, Hansen, and we'll take a short break."

"Here at Consolidated Megacorp we carry on a proud tradition of marginal competence."