Home Turf Hero Gifts

Indoor Football

Frank moonlights as a Grill Sergeant.

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

Our farmer brought fresh beans, tomatoes, corn and squash this week. Nice. You should have bought into the farm share. I've got my own farmer. Mine's cheap. Mine's cheaper. Thanks, mom. You can't take more zucchini?

'I shoulda told you guys. . . Marmaduke makes up his own rules as we go along.'

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

"Just a couple of ninety cent seed packets, and you can have fresh garden vegetables for heaven knows how long."

Children playing football.

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

'The upside is that if the water gets high enough all your termites might drown.'

Planting veggies

'She deserves it since she's raised our three kids with me overseas.'

Wyatt returns home to visit his old small town.

"I bet you can't name one person who makes a better lengua casserole than me!"

'Nice Header, Lauren!'

'Hanging around the house, Fred, just in case.'

"I'm going to be vacuuming, if you want to go into the farthest room and start asking me questions."

A boy with a football

man juggling career, home and children

Professional football.

"I don't care if your mother is watching on telly, just get the ball in the net!"

And the crowd goes wild—except for Mary, because she wasn't paying attention.

'There are shortcuts to making home brew, but taking a swig of malt extract and letting it ferment in your mouth isn't one of them.'

'Love your renovations.'

"I guess the tomatoes were just a gateway plant."

"Look, I'm the bobblehead of this team."

Many people suspect that the players aren't the only ones on steroids.

'Oh, yes, you will get off!'

school kids playing conkers

Mother's Day: 2nd Sunday in May, Others Day: Every day before and after the 2nd Sunday in May.

'Make it quick, Mom! I've got to get back and finish my mud pies.'

'The salad bar's coming in early this year!!'

'Roger that...I'm taking the first clean shot I can get.'

"A little high and inside."

An occassional clean out should prevent unpleasant smells.