Home Renovation Hero Gifts

"Renovating your bathroom?"

Once again overbudget and past dealine, the predatory boa constractor adroitly squeezes the life from its victim's wallet.

'It started as one of Leonard's do-it-yourself projects.'

'Keep your feet on the joists, Cedric.'

"If you can successfully complete a building permit for your home renovation, you win a prize!"

It's funny how often a person with a project at a complete standstill will describe it as a work in "progress."

'I think my husband's DIYed and gone to heaven.'

'Quick, press control Z!'

Jack of all trades

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

"You haven't got dyslexia- the instructions are in polish."

'The meaning of communinication is the response we get'

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

'I found the termites!'

'Can we afford you to save us money by repairing the car yourself...?'

I did it my way.

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

Non-Drip ?

"It's just temporary, until I fix the air conditioner."

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

'I don't think he's so smart. I had to show him three times before he got the hank of it.'

'Can you tell me how my new kitchen is coming along?'

"So, how's the money pit in the kitchen coming?"

"Next time don't use a herbed vinegar."

A holiday at home

"It's a major fixer-upper. How's your marriage?"

Dummies Books.

'I'm so excited to be remodeling the bathroom'

"You'll have to excuse my Stuart. He's just showing off his new drill.

"Dang, there goes another piece of the wife's good china. You see father, it's

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."