Home Project Ponderer Pillows

"I do a lot of work on my house, but none of it rises to the level of home improvement."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

'Roger's busy making a cat-flap in the kitchen.'

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

D.I.Y with dad.

'... And that's where I'm seeking planning permission to build a secret uranium enrichment plant...'

"This one has nicer sand, but I think I prefer the tree on the last one we saw."

"Shall I kiss it better?"

"You've got termites."

Ceiling Paint

"I didn't waste lockdown. I did my own facelift."

'I'm sorry your love seat project failed but at least it makes a romantic fire.'

"Congratulations you've escaped. Now what?"

Bob's DIY Store

"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."

Anticipated Sales - "Now at this point reality intruded."

Cordless Drill and Drill Less Cords.

"That's way out of my price range..."

"I want my job back."

'Maybe YOU'RE projecting!'

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

'Does that mean things are getting better or worse?'

Pentagon Science Contest: 'Hey, Jeffrey...why do you think the military wants to figure out how they can send people to another solar system?'

'Another DIY enthusiast methinks...'

"For the record. This is usually the exact moment during one of your projects when things go horribly wrong."

'Oh yes, Leonard's a fixit-it man. Only problem is, who'll fix it after him?'

Quick dry paint.

"Ghah! I hung the new mirror upside down!"

"Is it me or is this mini home trend getting out of control?"

Land Sale

"If only Donald Trump knew of your wall-building skills!"

Real estate bubble

"Their entire friendship is based on regret over property they SHOULD have bought when it was affordable."

If a cell phone vibrates in the woods, does anyone give a damn?

"And that's the projection for that stock."