Home Project Lover Pillows

"My wife also likes DIY... Every time I want to have sex with her, she says - do it yourself!"

"Shall I kiss it better?"

"You haven't got dyslexia- the instructions are in polish."

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

Schubert's Unfinished Basement

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

'We've knocked out the interior walls to improve our home Wi-Fi coverage.'

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

A DIY disaster.

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

'I don't think he's so smart. I had to show him three times before he got the hank of it.'

"The white flag means he gives up and will finally hire a professional to finish the renovation."

Your Home Remodel Team

'Mom! -- Jeffrey's pimping the wall!'

Like father like son.

"It's a miracle I was able to build this desk all by myself. I'm not so handy."

Bob’s Museum

'Have you got one of those things you use to knock nails in...?'

'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

George was a bit intimidated by his IKEA self-assembly wardrobe.

Wallpapering with Nails

'... And that's where I'm seeking planning permission to build a secret uranium enrichment plant...'

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."

"When we remodeled, we decided to go with the granite countertop."

Handyman Christmas tree with Tools.

'I planned to go to work, cancel my appointments, kick back and just relax...then I remembered I'm retired.'

"How did you get him to do housework?"

'We're waiting for an estimate that doesn't make him do that.'

'Old mother hubbard -- your cupboard is now bare.'

"It's not so much a fixer upper as a tear it downer."

"Can't we just get some load-bearing wallpaper?"

"They've got insulation to die for!"

'Would it have killed you to go with a store-bought model?'

"Pity that 'on' button's a bit of a stretch."