Home Project Ponderer T-Shirts

"I do a lot of work on my house, but none of it rises to the level of home improvement."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

'Roger's busy making a cat-flap in the kitchen.'

D.I.Y with dad.

'... And that's where I'm seeking planning permission to build a secret uranium enrichment plant...'

"This one has nicer sand, but I think I prefer the tree on the last one we saw."

"Shall I kiss it better?"

"You've got termites."

Ceiling Paint

Bob's DIY Store

"I didn't waste lockdown. I did my own facelift."

"Congratulations you've escaped. Now what?"

'I'm sorry your love seat project failed but at least it makes a romantic fire.'

"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."

Anticipated Sales - "Now at this point reality intruded."

Cordless Drill and Drill Less Cords.

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

"That's way out of my price range..."

Pentagon Science Contest: 'Hey, Jeffrey...why do you think the military wants to figure out how they can send people to another solar system?'

"I want my job back."

'Does that mean things are getting better or worse?'

'Maybe YOU'RE projecting!'

'Another DIY enthusiast methinks...'

"For the record. This is usually the exact moment during one of your projects when things go horribly wrong."

'Oh yes, Leonard's a fixit-it man. Only problem is, who'll fix it after him?'

Quick dry paint.

"Their entire friendship is based on regret over property they SHOULD have bought when it was affordable."

If a cell phone vibrates in the woods, does anyone give a damn?

"If only Donald Trump knew of your wall-building skills!"

"And that's the projection for that stock."

"Is it me or is this mini home trend getting out of control?"

Land Sale

Real estate bubble

A. Einstein. E = MC2. Yes, I do space-time research, but that doesn't mean I know how to get you out of your timeshare contract.