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"For the record. This is usually the exact moment during one of your projects when things go horribly wrong."

Quick dry paint.

Bird builds birdhouse around himself.

D.I.Y with dad.

'Roger's busy making a cat-flap in the kitchen.'

'I'm sorry your love seat project failed but at least it makes a romantic fire.'

'She's a sucker for a sales pitch, buys a stair carpet then has to pay out for a porch extension.'

Will the do-it-yourself craze ever get around to thinking?

"I didn't waste lockdown. I did my own facelift."

Bob's DIY Store

"They finished the work on our house. We found we had some money left on account of the builders not knowing it."

"If you're smart enough to design a robot to do your homework, then you're certainly smart enough to just do your homework."

A resourceful girl, Cynthia hoped to get credit in both Earth Sciences and Culinary Arts with her ozone layer cake.

"I thought you were making a coffee table?"

God's Subcontractors

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

"You pulled most of the muscles in your back lifting your to-do list? You've got a bigger problem than pulled muscles."

Waiting for retirement.

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

'Uh oh. I can see another few hundred will be added to your bid.'

"I'd love to sit down and discuss my project with you some time. Let me check my calendar and I'll get back to you."

'We're waiting for an estimate that doesn't make him do that.'

'... And that's where I'm seeking planning permission to build a secret uranium enrichment plant...'

The Best Laid Plans

"I've downsized."

"Shall I kiss it better?"

"Ok Mr. Bisley, I'll admit it does need a bit of renovation..!"

'Dad, perhaps the fan should suck instead of blow?'

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'

We thought we'd put in the detail later.

Clear construction agreements are important.

Biblical Procurement Tales: Project Ark.

'Of course, that bid's just an estimate.'

"The instructions state that some anger, frustration and confusion is expected."