Home Improvement Skeptic Pillows

"Whoa - You're gonna need a whole new string!"

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

Schubert's Unfinished Basement

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

'We've knocked out the interior walls to improve our home Wi-Fi coverage.'

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

A DIY disaster.

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

Do-It-Yourself. Do-it-yourself-With-Good-Friends-and-Pizza-and-A-Few-Beers.

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

"Mulch madness"

"Are you looking for metric or imperial sized neck bolts?"

"...And this is the part where he veers off course from the YouTube tutorial."

"Want to impress me with that hammer? Try using it to fix a few things around here."

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

"Have you been using 'Vanish' again?"

"The white flag means he gives up and will finally hire a professional to finish the renovation."

Your Home Remodel Team

"It's a miracle I was able to build this desk all by myself. I'm not so handy."

'I'm counter - intelligence'

Bob’s Museum

"This condo includes free access to fitness facilities...7 flights of stairs."

'Have you got one of those things you use to knock nails in...?'

'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

Wallpapering with Nails

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."

'Old mother hubbard -- your cupboard is now bare.'

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

"Okay, I fixed the leaking roof, and I moved the couch over to the far wall, but I'm sorry, I don't unblock toilets!"

Handyman Christmas tree with Tools.

"When we remodeled, we decided to go with the granite countertop."

"Can't we just get some load-bearing wallpaper?"