Home Repair Skeptic Pillows

"This doesn't exactly fill me with confidence, I must admit."

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

'I found the termites!'

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

A DIY disaster.

Do-It-Yourself. Do-it-yourself-With-Good-Friends-and-Pizza-and-A-Few-Beers.

"See this area right here, honey? This is why we need to find someone who knows what they're doing."

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'It's O.K. Charlie - you can relax. The T.V. repairman said, 'it can be fixed!''

"I take it the toilet is fixed?"

"Whoa. There's a huge crack down here." "Tell me about it."

"Want to impress me with that hammer? Try using it to fix a few things around here."

"So, who would you like me to call first, dear, the plumber or the exterminator?"

"The white flag means he gives up and will finally hire a professional to finish the renovation."

'Well, that's fixed that.'

"Sure, it's a break you can live with... but screw one more socket and you're toast!"

"Dad! The bathroom pipes are clogged up!"

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

'Don't you think it's time you did something about the draught in here?'

"I fixed your leaky tap and the oven door... but there's nothing I can do with that dodgy seal on the fridge!"

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of dealing with emergency plumbing problems are the hardest.'

"Oh no! This chimney needs re-pointing."

'If you could roll up your sleeves, go behind the screen and plaster the wall.'

'Hey, 'Houdini', after you figure out how to levitate the cork ou tof the bottle, I can use your magic at the kitchen sink.'

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."

'No it's still not fixed'

A plumber preparing to go under a house's dark crawl space sees many eyes looking back from the darkness.

"The blow drier is broken."

"Was it a fuse?"

'Well, the magic of Christmas is officially over, unless it includes waking up to a septic tank backup.'

Man falls through ceiling - 'Did you find the leak?'

'Anything need fix'n around here? I mean besides the lamp I just broke.'